Adjusting to parenthood. find balance together
Our advice to overcome difficulties
Since the arrival of baby, you are no longer just the two of you, you are no longer just a couple, you are also... a family! For many young parents, who welcome their first child, this great happiness is also accompanied by some difficulties. Often, this slight hesitation lasts just long enough to find a new balance. But sometimes, this state lasts. This is normal! You are not a ""mom and dad"" couple overnight, you become one little by little, step by step...
Coping with the great upheaval
New responsibilities, new rhythms, new activities... There's no doubt about it, having a child changes your habits! And rare are the young parents who do not feel destabilized by this great upheaval. You have to make room for your baby, take care of them, a lot, bring love, tenderness and attention... And as a result, the couple's relationship may take a back seat.
Finding balance and harmony can then take from a few weeks to several months. And it is during this delicate period that the couple is likely to become fragile. Yes, you love each other. The little one you gave birth to is the most beautiful proof of this. But love, like everything else, must be maintained... whether you have children or not!
So, how to overcome these difficulties, which fortunately are often temporary, before they turn into the famous ""baby clash"" that some psychologists are talking about today?
Overcoming difficulties, yes, but how?
- First of all, by accepting the change and evolution that the arrival of a baby implies in your couple: it will thus be easier to adapt and to live serenely with new situations.
- Involve dad on a daily basis, by asking for his help and opinion: having a child is a joint decision, so it is logical that it should also be raised by two people! Paternity leave and the new parental education leave now allow fathers to get involved early and fully in their baby's life, if they wish.
- By considering your partner as a true partner: dad and mom have complementary roles with baby. In this new life together, it is essential for parents to be able to count on each other. When one needs a break, the other can take over. And daily life is greatly facilitated.
- By sharing their emotions and feelings, so that they don't turn into frustrations or resentments. Nothing is more harmful to a relationship than to remain silent. Taking the time to talk to each other, to explain and to understand each other can indeed defuse many crises.
- And of course by spending special time together to create your family "bubble".
Taking care of your couple is the key!
The shortened nights, the first weeks after pregnancy and childbirth, the new organization, the lack of desire... are all factors that can generate stress, tireness, and therefore, tension. If this situation is bearable when it is short, it can become a source of conflict when it goes on too long.
The solution?
It is quite simple: take care of your relationship! So, in spite of a new and very busy lifestyle, it is essential to set aside time just for the two of you. Take advantage of the times when baby is sleeping, the good care of grandparents or another member of the family, try the "baby sitter" solution (but no, your baby is not too "small")... In short, don't miss an opportunity to meet up for dinner or an activity that you like to share: a movie, a sports session, an exhibition, a massage... Everything is welcome!
Too complicated to go out?
You can just as easily organize a cocooning evening or put the little dishes into the big ones by staying at home... all you need is imagination and willpower to break the routine, add a little spice to everyday life and have a good time without talking about diapers or bottles... You'll see: it feels great!
And if the balance is difficult to find?
If the arguments multiply, if communication becomes difficult or even impossible, if signs such as sadness or lack of sleep appear... don't let the discomfort and misunderstanding settle. Don't hesitate to ask your doctor for advice or to consult a therapist who specializes in family relationships. Knowing how to ask for help proves that you want to continue your couple project and build your family.
In this very particular context, it is more than ever essential for a couple to remain tolerant and to listen to each other, to trust each other... to reinforce a little more the intimacy, the complicity and the love that gave birth to your baby!